Turning Great Weddings Into Fabulous Marriages

Proverbs 18:22 says "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord."

You've accepted the proposal. You make elaborate plans because the wedding day is your big day. No holds barred. Full steam ahead. All hands on deck. You pick the perfect dress. The cake. The invitations. You pick your maid of honor and the bridesmaids. Your fiance` picks the best man and the groomsmen. 

It's on!

But not so fast.

Many women, and some men make enormous plans for the wedding but they never plan for their marriage. 

I want to reemphasize this that there is nothing left on the table when it comes to wedding plans. The pictures of your wedding will last a lifetime, but will your marriage last for eternity?

On the way to the proposal, you've observed some unmistakeable signs that something just isn't right.

During the courtship you see that your husband to be is not right financially. He is not treating you well. He's screams at you when he communicates with you. Or you've constantly detected "attitude" when he talks. When he takes you out to dinner, you are paying the bill. It wasn't a five star restaurant either. It was a McDonalds.

When you communicate with each other, you struggle to have substantive conversations. He's more agitated and you are more demanding.

Granted. Many couples, depending on the length of their courtship are figuring out each other. Testing the waters. The courtship is a period of time where you find out what you like and what you do not like about each other. These can be great times of first level bonding or it can be a nightmare. Sadly, most couples rush past judgment, prudence, and reasoning and proceed with the wedding.

Completely bypassing good judgment to hold off, postpone, or stop the wedding.

You bite and devour each other more than holding hands being like love birds.

They go from the wedding to annulment or divorce court because of a failure to read the signs.

Fortunately, some couples begin to see that it's not going to work and call off the wedding. It's not about cold feet. It's about understanding compatibility beyond the bedroom and incompatibility before the bedroom.

Compatibility is defined as......"a state in which two things (persons) are able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict." 

People are not perfect, however, when a man and a woman decide to get married, the thing that must be the least on their list is conflict.

When conflict is consistent, it is a dead giveaway that the relationship is not to happen. It is best to part ways and start fresh with a new person. Sadly, because there is a three to one ratio between men and women, (i.e. three women for one man). The selection process could be long or short, depending upon the man.

Women are ready to marry but are they ready to put up with the man they are to marry. Many of them say that they are but if you were to ask them about what they would do differently, they would tell you. 

Women could do themselves a favor and read the book of Proverbs. Not just the 31st chapter. If you want to know anything about how a male operates in wisdom or foolishness, the book of Proverbs is the "Men's Meeting" book.

A woman has to be more selective because marriage is for life. You want to be able to live with that person with the least amount of conflict. This is not to say that conflict will not arise. Except that because you care deeply for each other, you've learned to discern the problem and not allow most of them become massive conflicts that jeopardize the relationship.

What's worse is that many couples head to the bedroom before they marry. You see, humans are physically compatible for sex. In the heat of physical passion, the next step is logical when the wedding ceremony is over. With those that commit fornication, the relationship is compromised. God offers forgiveness but will the relationship enter into matrimony, and will it last? It's very difficult to tell.

READING THE SIGNS

The three most important signs that couples must be able to read is communication, responsibility, and treatment.

Communication: How you talk to each other is just as important as talking to each other. Abrasive, domineering, abusive, mean spirited, angry speech from you is a clear sign that something is not right. If you blow up over anything, it shows that you are not in control of your temperament.

When small things are turned into a big issue, it's a clear sign that it's going to carry over into the marriage. Do not ignore these signs. 

Abusive, angry, abrasive, mean spirited, domineering.

When you are communicating with each other, sometimes being nice hides the real person. Anyone could be nice until they get what they want. This is not to say that you are to start something to see how they would react. However, give yourself some time to see how they act as they respond to you. Remember, how you talk to each other is just as important as talking to each other.

ResponsibilityHow a person is responsible with handling their responsibilities is definitely a deal maker or breaker. Many families suffer damage when a man and or a woman is spending beyond their means. Have a discerning eye about how they handle their business. As believers in the Lord, is tithing a part of your financial plans? If you fail to honor the Lord with your tithes and offerings, all else must fail.

High education? Job stability? Are the bills being paid on time? What are the short and long term goals with their finances? How much debt does each person has? Did you start your retirement savings? Life insurance? Hospital and end of life care? Raising children? Certain family traditions need not be a part of your future family. Learn to keep that which is good and beneficial and set aside other traditions that may not be beneficial.

TreatmentHow you treat each other is important. Ephesians 5:24-25 says "Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,"

1 Peter 3:1-7 says "Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward — arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel —

rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. 

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered."‚Äč


You see, if you are looking out for each other's interest, the conflicts will be minimal and your marriage will becomne fabulous. But if you are constantly at each other's throats, you will have a very bad marriage.

A wife's obedience or subjection to her husband is only warranted when the husband loves the wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. In Peter's passage, even if you have an unsaved husband, the Lord desires for the wife to be what she should be to her husband. That by her life, she could win her husband to the Lord.

The way you treat each other based on the Word is a deal breaker or deal maker.

If you want to have a fabulous marriage, govern these areas well, and the results will speak for themselves.